Goodbye My Love
by Tivaroo
Summary: Everything was fine until you had come along. Post Aliyah. Tiva tid bits and other stuff. R


**Goodbye My Love**

Everything was fine until you had come along. But nothing could have apprehend that situation from occurring. This is my story when I had lost everything. She was the love of my life that I never got to hold or kiss. All because we were from two different worlds and those damn rules had kept us apart. We both felt the power drawing us closer and closer yet we are still too far away to just give in to those deepest and wild urges. I was jealous, she knew that and now because of my jealously. The team has been broken apart once again. All because of me and my stupid need to do the complete opposite, and than I had ruined everything we had hold dear to our hearts.

I wish you were here instead of Israel. I wish I could see that smile on your angelic face once more. We did have something far stronger than that of a normal friendship. I had only gotten to kiss and to see that glorious body you have. I guess that was when everything had allowed itself to grow without us being aware of it at the time.

And than there was Jeanne and I knew that you were deeply worried for me even if you didn't know that Jeanne was just an undercover mission. True I had gotten the taste of love from Jeanne and it had broken me in more ways than I could have imagined. I had allowed myself to fall in love with Jeanne, even if I knew it was wrong but I still had grown to love her.

Than there was the whole trust issue that I felt like I needed to regain from within the team. Especially Gibbs and yourself, you had thought that I was really sick. I thought that was really sweet of you to even show some compassion for me and the old feelings I had buried deep inside me began to fester and to grow into something even I couldn't control or cease.

I wish we could all just to go back to the way things were before. Before Gibbs had fallen into a coma and than quit. Before the Le Grenouille fiasco. Before LA and the death of the one person we were both meant to protect. Before we were broken up and separated.

I think what I had down to you was the worst of them all. I've tried to talk to you but you didn't listen to my words of reasoning. I did it all for you. Yet you had called me a traitor, a liar and you even believe that I of all people had betrayed your trust. All because of Michael Rivkin and it was I who shot those rounds into his body. It was my bullets that had killed him. I didn't want to kill him, just talk to him and I guess I had felt that it was my duty to protect you. To see if I could save you from what disaster Rivkin might have brought down upon your slender but strong shoulders.

We have been through a lot of things together and still manage to pull through. But this was not one of them. Too consumed by the words of poison Rivkin had whispered into your delicate ears. You had grown feelings for the man and because of those feelings you had turned away my apologies and reasoning.

The sea is the only barrier keeping us apart. I wish you could see my tears that I myself had allowed to fall. DiNozzo men do not cry that was a rule my father had repeatedly beaten into me. Still I had cried for what I had done to destroy our love, trust and all else we hold dear.

I love you Ziva David and you are still not here to here those three words attached to your name. No one knows that I love you.

Everytime I close my eyes I see your face. Everytime I look into my mirror or anything with a reflexion I see you and your accusations against me.

I can't sleep with out knowing that you are safe and well. I have tried to pick up the phone and call you, just so I can hear your voice again but I never get that far. I am not sure if McGoo, Abby, Ducky or even Gibbs has heard from you. There are something that they are not telling me. If only they could just let their disgust in me show. Its what I am used to.

Maybe it is time I should move on from NCIS and to go somewhere else, far a way from NCIS and your ghost that haunts my sleep. I have let my guard down and allowed people into my life. How could I have been so stupid to even allow a part of my mask slip a way inch by inch? Hoping that some one would see the real me. But no one does now days.

My guard is back up and is now made out of bricks. Yes you have guessed it my love. I am resigning from NCIS for good. Maybe that way you could come back and be happy again.

So here I stand behind Director Vance's door, waiting for it to open and to be granted this one last visit to the director's office. I haven't even told the others yet and I am not going to. I am doing what I have always done from my previous jobs. Run.

Run and never look back. That is the hard part but I'll get over it and write the next chapter of my life. I was going to resign after Kate had died and tha you had entered my life and than there was the time when Gibbs had return. But I had turned down an offer that I should have accepted and I could be in Spain by now or elsewhere.

"You can go in now Tony," Cynthia the sweet secretary says as she puts down her phone back on its cradle.

I just smile at Cynthia and walks in the door to the director's office not knowing if this is the right choice or not. But I can't live or work in place where people are disgusted by my actions.

"Agent DiNozzo what can I do for you?" I never did like director Vance anyways.

"I would like to give to you my resignation sir," I hand him over the envelope and gosh I love the shocked expression on his face. "That is all."

I turn to leave with out looking back at Vance. I was going leave my gun and badge on Gibbs' vacant desk. If only people could see the real me and I wish I had told you that I loved you. But it is too late now. I have ended the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. The joy of working under Gibbs, picking on McGee, bantering with Kate, talking to Abby, getting advice from Ducky but my greatest joy was to see your face.

Goodbye my love. May you find the joy or the love I could never give to you. Ziva David you sure know how to make a man run for his life.

I see already that Gibbs and McGee are now in the squad room. Preparing myself for the goodbye that I never wanted to say to these fantastic people.

"Where have you been DiNozzo?" I heard my boss asking me fair and square of my whereabouts.

"Handing in my resignation to Vance," I don't care if the entire floor had gone deathly quiet or the fact that Gibbs looks incredibly pissed is just mildly putting it. "Goodbye Gibbs," I place my service weapon and badge on my now former boss' desk. "The same to you Tim."

I have handed over my badge and gun now. That is all that is left for me to do. Turning away from my family. Running away from the best group of friends I have ever been granted. Running away because of my love and guilt for you Officer David.

Elevator doors shut and Gibbs didn't even come and stop me from leaving. Maybe he does have human emotions left these days. Sorry guys but I won't be coming back. This is the real deal that I wish I had granted. Goodbye my love. I will never forget you.

**The End**

**A/N: **Well this is what I get up too when I am reaaly bored. I hope you had enjoyed reading it until you got up to this part.


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